Greetings, Schweitzer Fans! I hope you all enjoyed your weekend! It was another great one up here at Schweitzer. As I look out my window I see beautiful sunshine; spring is upon us! I hope everyone gets a chance to make some turns this week. The season is winding down; we have to take advantage of our days!
Now, to business. The radio calls I make every Monday morning to inform slathering Schweitzer Fans about our conditions are usually pretty entertaining. However, even I could not have anticipated the story I heard from the DJs at KICR: apparently, there’s a guy out there somewhere who tattooed “Netflix” on his abdomen and in return, they gave him free Netflix for a year. A year?! I thought to myself. –Expletive- that. They would have to give me free Netflix for life. And my friends. And my family. And my dog. I mean when you think about it, a tattoo lasts for life, so why shouldn’t the free Netflix? They are essentially getting free advertising for life from this guy. Every trip to the beach, every gym shower, every amorous encounter will be tainted by his Netflix flesh-billboard. Ick.
The DJ’s talked about how great it would be to get free skiing for life at Schweitzer with a Schweitzer tattoo. But since I already get free skiing here (suckers!), they put me on the spot by asking what I would get tattooed on myself if I could get it free for life. Now, before I relay my answer, please keep in mind that in addition to spring forward I was up at 3:30am this morning. I also try my best to never take situations like this too seriously. So, my blurted-out, creeptastic answer was, “Unnhhh Bagel Bites.”
Now, obviously this was not a serious answer. I would never get a Bagel Bites tattoo. Unless serious money was involved. Like five or six figures at least. I quickly relayed, since I was live on the air, that I was just kidding and I could never do that because not only would I be stuck with a Bagel Bites tattoo, I would probably weigh about 200 pounds, which would not look great on my elf-like frame. Everybody cracked up, we said our farewells and I went about my snow reporting business.
Now that I’ve had a few hours to think about it, I think there might be a few things I’d get a very small, very coverable tattoo of if I could get free stuff from them. One would be Nordstrom. Holy cow, if I could shop at Nordstrom free for life I’d probably get that tattoo on my forehead. (Just kidding…or am I?) Another might be Sephora. I spend an obscene amount of money there. (Coincidently, even though they started putting Sephoras in JC Penny’s quite a while ago (an interesting move, I must say…), the JC Penny’s in the Bonner Mall is probably THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD that still doesn’t have a Sephora, at least the last time I checked. So I end up spending even more on shipping. Curse you, beauty product gods!) Although I suppose all those beauty products are also sold at Nordstrom, so that’d be two birds with one stone. Another would be the name of the sickest boardshop I could find, and then I could get free gear for life. Also, a really great winery and/or brewery logo could potentially grace my pristine hide if they would give me free libations for life. And last but not least, our intern Matt’s contribution: Amazon.com. Maybe he really is smarter than the rest of us…