Powder Day Rules

The snow is flying and your buddies are nowhere to be found. They’re not answering their cell phones either. You ask yourself what’s up with that? Well, let me tell you. The secret to that answer is an unspoken code understood by all powder riders. It’s called Powder Day Rules.

If you don’t know how to ski powder and want to learn how to ski or ride powder on a powder day – forget it! If you think your boyfriend or girlfriend is going to wait for you on a powder day – forget it! If you think your husband or wife is going to wait for you on a powder day – forget it! If you think your best friend, brother or sister, or even your dog is going to wait for you on a powder day – forget it! *(See Powder Day Rules Exceptions Clauses below)

Powder Day Rules are simple – There are no friends, no families and no lovers on a powder day.

Powder Day Rules Exception Clauses; Conditions may vary with individual circumstances. Below are some sample questions to see if this exception clause should be exercised.

1. Will you get lucky later if you wait? (Yes, you should ski)
2. On the powder day in question are you or were you already in the dog house with your lover? (You should definitely ski. You’re already in trouble)
3. If you answered yes to question 2, is it worth sleeping in separate bedrooms? (Dedicated powder hounds will check yes. You can kiss and make up later when your legs give out. Besides you’re going to be tired at the end of day.)
4. Do you want a divorce? (If yes, follow powder day rules and ignore the exception clause. If you choose to do so it is also recommended that you find a good attorney so you don’t have to fight over who gets the skis. Kids? What kids?)

So, now you know the rules and it’s the most important thing you need to know. And if you still want to learn how to ride it here are your two options.

1. Play in it, flail in it, dig yourself out of it until you figure out how to float in it.
2. Pay someone to teach you how to do it. ‘Cause trust me only a paid instructor is going to wait for you on a powder day. They have to.

Once you get the hang of riding powder you’ll be hooked too and waiting for your next fix. You’ll know you are a true powder junkie the next time one of your buddies calls and it automatically goes to voicemail….After all they should know that there are powder day rules.

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Mountain Zen

What is the sound of one ski skiing? What is the color of sky embracing water? Is white the absence of rainbows? Does the snow smile when it is kissed by the sun? Does the wind make a sound if no one is there to hear it? Is your navel really the center of the known universe? Ohhhhmmmmm…..

You are on the chair in a transcendentally induced stupor when suddenly the serenity of silence is shattered. The all encompassing oneness and peace of the moment is molested by two screaming boarders on the chair ahead of you. They are yelling, “DAVE!” “DAVE!” DAAAAAAAVVVVE!!!!! Dave is not responding. “DAAAAAVVVVVE!!!!!” Dave is either deaf, embarrassed by his idiot friends or he is an altered state of his own. “DAAAAVVVVE!” It is clear that these two know nothing of Cheech and Chong because they would tell him that “Dave’s not home man….(audible inhale).”

Oh well, at the end of the day if you can’t get your meditation mojo back, you can always get your medication mojo going with a different kind of Zin. Ahhhhhhhh……

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Keep Your Tips Up

There are lots of signs at ski resorts. Some of them are warnings to keep you safe. Some of them are to give you directions and still others offer very practical advice.

No doubt you have noticed the signs at the top of the lifts that says, “Keep Your Tips Up”. (And that’s tips with a P – this is a family resort!) This advice not only applies to safely exiting the chair, but can also be equally applied anywhere on the mountain. That’s because it could be rather embarrassing not to mention painful to end up tips down. And who wants to take an unwanted sled ride when you’re on the mountain to ski? So ride your boards proud and perky and keep ‘em sunny side up. It will not only put a smile on your face, you can put smiles on other people’s faces too!

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Answers to Stupid Questions

It’s good to ask questions. After all that’s how we gather information to make decisions about what we should do. Children are always asking questions. Take toddlers for instance. When they first learn to ask why, it’s adorable. Soon the rapid fire repetition can not only be annoying, it’s exhausting!

Sometimes the answers to our questions are obvious. But then again you can’t fix stupid. That’s how people like Dear Abby made entire careers out of answering stupid questions. Here are some samples of similar questions you might hear on the mountain with their obvious answers.

Q. Where does this chair go?

A. Up

Q. Where does this run go? A. Down

Q. Where should I go?

Q. Hmmmm….?

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It’s Febru-April!

Spring is here with a preview of coming attractions. Yes, Mother Nature has been good to us this season!

This week we welcome the L. A. Ski Council with made to order picture perfect ski and weather conditions. It will be hard to keep this place a secret much longer when returning club members boast to their friends about Schweitzer. And we’d gladly welcome them back next season so the clubs they represent can experience this amazing place for themselves.

In case you are wondering if you should come up, spring conditions with lots of sunshine will be here throughout the week. So be sure to get up here and GET SUMM!

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Carnies and Carnage

The Starlight Racing series has brought the circus to Schweitzer. No show is complete without the clowns who provide entertainment by taking out the gates. Then there are the other carnival acts you’d expect to see like the “Wild Things”, the daring “Flying Camel Toes” and everyone’s favorite the “Freak Show”.

Yes, all it takes is a couple of beers and the spectators become part of the show. Who needs high flying dare devils and dancing bears when you can watch stupid human tricks. All it takes is a little schwag to get teams balancing stacks of Twinkies on other people’s foreheads. No one however was impaired enough to eat those Twinkies when they were done. All of them clearly violated the 5 second rule many times not to mention the handling and touching of sweaty hands and oily foreheads – e-e-e-w-wwwwwwh!

The circus will be here for four more weeks. Even if you aren’t racing there will be plenty of entertainment for you in Taps on Friday nights. Just saying….

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Perma Grins

It’s all blue sky and sunshine at Schweitzer. The conditions right now are guaranteed to put a smile on your face and keep it there all day! The adventurous can still find hidden powder stashes and there are groomers galore to explore. So, spread your fair weather blue bird wings and soar. It’s the next best thing to actually being able to fly. And at the end of the day when people see that big ol’ grin stuck on your face, they’re gonna wonder what you’ve been up to…

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