Published December 31, 2011
OK, you know they have your number. You wait and wait and wait some more but still your phone’s not ringing. Yeah, yeah, they say they’ll call you. Really? Your fair weather back country friends have ditched you once again! You know you are a good skier but the silence is shaking your confidence. What is wrong with you?!!!
Suddenly you have a revelation. The heavens part and the angels are singing. Visions of virgin powder fields dance in your head and you are the only one there to rejoice in it! Yes! You pinch yourself just to make sure you are still on this side of the mountain. No, you are on the other side of the mountain -the back country side of the mountain. It’s your own bottomless sparkling diamond mine. Spontaneous shouts of hallelujah and eat my crystal dust burst from your lips. Blessed assurance! All of your silent phone demons are forever vanquished!
To heck with those guys! Now you know that the selfish pigs wanted it all for themselves. What kind of friends are those anyway? (See Powder Day Rule exclusions)
So, here’s a toast to my mountain diva friend D. You know who you are. Go ahead and school those boys while you’re out there gettin’ summ! And PLEASE! Next time take an angel buddy with you. You can fly a lot safer with an extra set of wings nearby!
Published December 29, 2011
Take lifties for example. They definitely qualify as their own unique culture. Crack a dictionary and you’ll discover it’s true!
First, culture can be defined by the arts collectively like art, music, literature and related intellectual activities. Well, they definitely qualify on the first two. Have you checked out some of their amazing snow sculptures at the lifts? And how about the great tunes they treat you to while you’re waiting in line or ready to get off the chair?
The second identifier of culture is enlightenment and sophistication acquired through education and exposure to the arts. There may some debate here as to the specific source of enlightenment.
Like other cultures, liftees have shared beliefs and values. They believe in being on the mountain and riding as much as possible, hence the inspiration for the job. They also value good times (see social behavior peculiar to a particular nation or people.) In fact, they highly value good times. Why do you think they are always smiling?
Attitude is another culture marker and liftee morale is strictly enforced. Don’t believe it? Just look at their flag which says, “The beatings will continue until morale improves.”
Yes, their motto says it all – “Get Lifted!”
Published December 24, 2011
Last year this girl was all the rage. La Nina was responsible for throwing one of the best winter season parties in recent memory. Everyone loved her and they were convinced that she loved them too!
This year she showed up early and the romance flamed. She kissed the mountain all over with her glossy white lipstick. Then after getting everyone all worked up the tease left.
Right now that hussy is probably down in Cancun hanging out with El Nino. Yeah, she’s sitting on some sunny white sand beach smelling of coconut oil and chugging ice cold cervesas. What a heartless, thoughtless little beach! (That’s not a misspelling, that’s a Mexican accent.)
OK. We can forgive your indiscretions if you will just come back. The powder hounds are pouting and pining away for your love. You would hurry back and kiss them all if you could see the hurt and pain you have caused.
PLEASE come back! We love you and miss you La Nina! Cover us with your kisses once again and all will be forgiven.
Published December 22, 2011
Dust on crust is not the powdered sugar on your French toast. Nor is it the snow on the venerable roof tops of some of our Prime Timer’s club members. Right now dust on crust is the stuff of frozen wet dreams. That is if you are one of the many drought stricken resorts from California to Colorado and beyond. Some of these places would be happy to just have some crust.
Here in the northwest we have plenty of crust. In fact, we can boast of recent dustings just to keep things fresh. The locals are keeping the runs on and off piste well groomed so we’re ready for the next big dump!
In the meantime we are enjoying a natural mountain high (a high pressure weather system kinda high). Sometimes you can even catch a whiff of others experiencing a different kind of natural high.
So get up here and soak up the sunshine. Vitamin D is good for you and seriously would you really rather drink milk to get it?
Published December 19, 2011
There are lots of seasons and reasons to celebrate at Schweitzer. This year we have been blessed with early season snow and good coverage all over the mountain. In fact, we can celebrate having more open terrain than any other mountain in North America. While other areas have been experiencing drought the locals here are flying down the runs like Santa’s reindeer. Prancer and Dancer are jones’n to get on the lift while Blitzen is hitting on Vixen over at Taps.
Be your own secret Santa and start celebrating early. Unless you’ve been nice the naughty elf might not put that lift ticket in your stocking. Why would you even let him (or her) have that kind of power anyway?
Published December 17, 2011
Democrats have donkeys and Republicans have elephants. If ski resorts had party symbols they might be bluebirds and powder hounds. The bluebird would look just like it sounds – a blue bird. The powder hound might resemble a frequent village guest (and sometimes pest) Dudley the basset hound. Imagine a picture of Dudley’s head sporting a tuque (a nod to our Canadian friends up north eh) and goggles. Bluebirds are those fair weather riders who only show up when there is blue sky and sunshine. Powder hounds on the other hand call in sick for first tracks. You might not see them, but the shredded snow says otherwise. Then there are those wild and crazy Independents. They’re not going to be pinned down by any designer labels. They’re just here for the party and any excuse or party will do.
Published December 10, 2011
Remember that famous Clinton quote (not the one about how he tried pot but didn’t inhale) the other one where he said, “It depends on what your definition of is is.”? Well, sexist ski terminology is just like that. It depends entirely on what your personal version of is is.
For example, you get on a lift with two (older than you) gentlemen and one says to the other, “Hey Bud, (not his real name) we get to ride the lift with a real ski bunny!” Bunnies are cute right? How should one be offended by being referred to as a cute bunny? Well it’s possible, if you instantly conjure up images of places like Sun or Deer Valley with taut faced, nose in the air, Bogner dressed posers with the latest, greatest gear who can’t ski a lick. The kind of women you would rather spray while you blow their doors and paint off riding well used equipment and wearing duct tape. Before you can stop yourself a grin crosses your face and the words spill out, “I’ll let you call me a ski bunny if you can keep up!”
Now, compare the difference between how being a ski bunny or a mountain diva makes you feel. Yes, bunnies are still cute and you can work that angle until you really learn how to ride. Bunnies have to be cute to make up for being lame. Face it, ski bunnies will always be inferior to mountain divas who understand their inner mysterious and magical powers to carve steep faces and float in powdery places. So, embrace your inner diva.
Sorry guys, you’re on your own to discover your own inner whatever.
Published December 8, 2011
Sometimes it’s good to be bad. After all it seems there is always some new cold or flu virus to use as an excuse. This season an especially contagious bug is going around – the SMR flu. It’s really easy to catch and once you get it, it tends to linger for months (or at least until the resort closes). There is no known cure, but treatments are available. So, wear a face mask to protect your identity and ride fast! Who knows, the boss might be up here too!
Don’t have any sick days left? Use a personal day. You know you’ll feel better.